I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
