and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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