I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
