i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
