Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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