I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
