there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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