the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Randomize
