I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
