accomplished twins. life is a go
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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