Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
