I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Randomize
