I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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