Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
