Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
