So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Randomize
