He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
