We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
