I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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