a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
