The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
