I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize