So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
