I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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