theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I just gargled with NyQuil
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
