Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Randomize
