Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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