were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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