i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
