is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
