thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
