Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Randomize
