If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
