i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
