so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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