Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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