This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
