Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
we made out on top of his cat.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
