No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
