mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize