He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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