My nipple is on Facebook.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Randomize
