I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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