Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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