i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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