He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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