Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize