she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Randomize
