ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Randomize
