a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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