we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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