i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
