The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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