It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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