sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
