Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
