I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
