Taylor Swift is so right about you.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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