I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
