i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
