just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize