So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Randomize
