Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Randomize
